Below is a letter I wrote to the following organizations:

S.H.U. (Spam-Haters Unanimous)

N.A.A.P.W.H.S. (National Association for the Advancement of
People Who Hate Spam)

P.W.H.P.W.D.H.S. (People Who Hate People Who Do not Hate
Spam)

P.F.W.S.H.I.A.L.C. (People for Whom Spam-Hating is a
Lifestyle Choice)

S.A.P.W.R.R.R.H.S. (Society for the Advancement of People
Who Really Really Really Hate Spam)

P.W.H.S.S.M.I.M.L.W.S.C.O.T.E. (People Who Hate Spam So Much
It Makes Little Wisps of Steam Come Out of Their Ears)

And, of course: Spam Haters In The Business of Internet
Resource Directory Services.

DEAR FELLOW SPAM HATERS,

I am writing to suggest that we combine forces in order to
present a common front in our righteous war on unsolicited
commercial electronic mail :

Spam!

I suggest we disband the myriad sites and organizations now
opposing unsolicited commercial e-mail in order to form a
single, unified organization:

The Spammish Inquisition!

And I further suggest we elect me, Linda Cox, as our leader.
Our Grand Inquisatrix!

WHAT ARE MY QUALIFICATIONS?

You think YOU hate spam? You dont even know what hate is!

I hate spam so much that I... well, just a LOT! Thats how
much!

If I hated spam any more than I already do, I think my head
would burst into flames and spin like a top! Can you say
that?

Do not think so.

I dont mean to say that I do not hate other things, too,
like pedophiles and Nazis and that drunk guy who backed over
my cat when I was seven.

But spam... hooboy!

SQUISH EM LIKE BUGS!

I believe we should have a constitutional amendment allowing
cruel and unusual punishment in the case of spammers. Maybe
that tummy thing like the Japanese do when they get
depressed.

As with drugs, mere possession of bulk emailing software
should result in the immediate confiscation of the computer
it was on, as well as any nice clothes, jewelry, or lawn
statuary that might have been purchased with spam profits.

Just thinking about sending spam should be illegal, like
joking about bombs in an airport. If I get to be Grand
Inquisatrix, Ill have my own force of men-in-black dudes to
sniff out spamsters and be really mean to them and call them
names until they promise to be great little Netizens again.

Its for their own sizeably workable.

IN CLOSING